The Way You Love Others Reflects How You Love Yourself
How you show up in a relationship says a lot about how you see yourself. If you struggle to trust others, it’s likely because you don’t fully trust yourself. If you overextend or try too hard to keep things afloat, it might mean you’re tying your self-worth to how much you do for someone else. And if you hold back, keep walls up, or push people away, it’s often because deep down, you’re unsure if you’re enough as you are. These patterns aren’t random, they come from what you’ve been through and how you’ve learned to protect yourself.
Take a minute and think about how you behave when you’re close to someone. Do you feel like you’re constantly on edge, waiting for something to go wrong? Do you lose yourself in trying to please them, or feel resentful when your needs aren’t met? Maybe you hold back your feelings because it feels safer not to share. Why do you think that is? What do you think that behavior says about how you see yourself?
A lot of this comes back to the relationship you have with yourself. If you’re carrying shame or doubt, you might believe that love has to be earned or that people will leave if you don’t keep proving your worth. If you’ve been hurt before, maybe you’ve built walls to avoid getting hurt again. But those walls don’t just keep out pain, they keep out connection too. If you feel unlovable or like you’re too much for someone, you might overcorrect by giving too much or shrinking yourself, just to make the relationship feel safer.
But how you treat yourself becomes the standard for how you let others treat you. If you’re constantly critical of yourself, you might tolerate that same energy from others. If you don’t believe you’re worth respect, you might ignore red flags because deep down you don’t feel like you deserve better. So, ask yourself: Are you showing up in relationships in a way that’s honest about who you are and what you need, or are you showing up in a way that reflects how you feel about yourself on your worst days?
This isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about becoming aware. Think back to your past relationships, what patterns do you see? How do they tie into the way you talk to yourself or how you treat yourself when no one’s looking? What do you wish you could change about how you show up? Whatever it is, that’s probably where your healing starts.
The way forward starts with being real about how you feel about you. When you feel worthy, loved, and secure in yourself, it changes the energy you bring to others. You stop accepting less than what you need. You communicate better. You set boundaries without guilt. You let people in without fear. What would it look like if you showed up as the version of you who already feels good enough, just as you are?
